Real life story

In June my eye started twitching... I thought nothing of it, as I had had this before when I hadn't had enough sleep. The twitching began to happen in my head. And then It began to happen in my neck and I started to notice it happening more frequently. I was driving to Birmingham for my Grans Funeral, and my arm started to twitch as I drove down the motorway. I was starting to feel concerned. 



Over a short period of time, I left my job of 6 years, I had to move out of my house, I was working over 50 hours a week my Nan and my best friends dad passed away. I was very stressed and I lived on coffee to keep me going!



When I arrived to Birmingham, I met all of my family in a pub for dinner, some of my family I hadn't seen for years, some had travelled from Ireland and as far as Australia. I sat down, and began to relax after a full day work and driving. I started to feel quite hot, I noticed I was becoming more twitchy and everyone started to ask me questions about how life was, work, my partner as I ate my dinner, I turned to my mum and said I wasn't feeling too well, could she come outside, my body began to twitch and shake, not just in my head now... we went outside I began to cry unconsolably, my mum had to hold me upright. My body started to twitch and convulse and spasm, my head felt like it wouldn't stay on my shoulders, I suddenly couldn't speak, my legs wouldn't work and I kept scooping and dropping down to the floor.



My mum tried to calm me as we walked, but it seemed to get worse. We did a loop of the grounds outside and my family saw me in shock as we were ready to leave. I breathed heavily, and I couldn't string a sentence together without stammering and stuttering or head butting the table in front of me. I made a shhh sound as I scooped forwards, I could only describe it in dance terms as an extremely fast roll down and then a shoot upwards back to standing, when I walked my head scooped downwards like this, as we walked to the car, I could see how worried everyone was. By this point, I couldn't stand up without support. I also had to now drive my family back to my aunties house, as I was the only one driving. I am not sure how I got everyone home? I kept repeating words and couldn't say what I wanted to.



I went to bed and I seemed to stop spasming as I lay down, the odd twitch, I thought when I would wake up, it would be all over. I had a speech to do the next day at the funeral and I wanted to keep myself together for my family and my dad especially.



I woke up, stood up, and off I went, I was so frightened, I had no idea what was happening to me. I was making uncontrollable shhh sounds and still twitching badly. I managed to sit through the funeral and we got the wake at the social club... I didn't get to do the speech sadly as I couldn't talk properly. I lasted about 20 mins at the wake and had to sit outside, I started to get worse, and my family came outside to see me, with no idea what to do, It got worse and worse, I couldn't stop crying and my neck was really beginning to hurt, I felt like Jelly. Luckily there was a doctors across the road. My mum and aunt walked me over and booked me an appointment for 2 hours time, mum and my aunt propped me up against the wall, and I sobbed, I couldn't wait that long. I walked across the road and then more family came out to see me. My aunt said she was going to take me home, and everyone was suddenly around me. I began to feel really dizzy, this is when I remember saying, I feel funny, and fell backwards and collapsed. I lay down on the floor, and my aunt put me in the recovery position, someone got the doctor from across the road, and they called an ambulance, I was thrashing all over the floor, and now my legs were uncontrollable. I was so scared, it felt like I was having a fit.



When the ambulance came, they sat me up and I thrashed back and forwards, rocking and shhhing and making strange sounds. They managed to lift me up and strap me to the bed, my arms and legs going crazy.



In the ambulance I was connected to an ECG and when I twitched my heart rate would go up and spike... I was exhausted now. 



The man in the ambulance scared me, he said that you can develop torrettes at any time in your life. I thought that was it. They also scared me in saying I needed to go for an MRI scan. I waited in the hospital for hours and hours, strapped in my bed. They took my blood, urine, my reflexes which weren't really working, they couldn't MRI scan me because I couldn't stay still. Hours or twitching, crying, I just wanted to sleep. I managed to message my work colleges and friends to tell them what was going on, and spoke to a few on the phone, you could hear it all in my voice, as I stammered and breathed.



Eventually they said I could go, with no real explanation with what was going on with me...I was angry and confused that they were letting me go with nothing. They said to visit my local GP and they said to sign me off work for 3 weeks.



I finally got home to my flat, and my friends and Andy were waiting for me at home, when I walked in they were in utter shock... I will never forget their faces....my friend Sara said' Right... we have to get this sorted..' not really knowing what to say. I managed a walk to the shop with andy, linking arms with me as I dropped up and down from the floor.



By this point it had been going on for 4 days, and I was exactly the same. My mum took me to the doctors and they gave my valium to take for a week, and they said they think it is stress related anxiety and exhaustion...and that I needed to take anti depressants...I lay on the sofa, watching tv for most of a week, as when I lay down it happened less.



Weeks went by and I still ticked and twitched and I started to come to terms with the fact that this is something that is going to stay with me and I needed to live with it... I went to the shops and visited friends, a few times ended up on the floor in a twitching heap, but I didn't want to hide what I had. I was also determined that anti depressants were going to do a whole lot of nothing, and It was myself that needed to get me better. I wasn't depressed!



I began to get off the sofa... I started to meditate, and do yoga everyday and watch ted talks on stress and how you turn your stress into positive energy. I decided it was time to have a lifestyle change and put my happiness first, not work or anyone else, its my life and I am in control of it. I needed to get myself better and then I could start going back to normal, but not back to my old ways.



After a while it began to stop and I laughed when I twitched and me and my friends tried to work out what triggered it when I did twitch now and again, it then became that irregular that when I twitched I would sometimes make people jump or make myself jump.



I still get the occasional twitch and when It does happen, I know that my body is telling me something. I think as a dancer, being so physical, it was the only way for my body to tell me that I was unwell.



Since I had the attacks I have been in touch with so so many people with anxiety and stress, and I feel it is a really big problem in this country, we deal with so much unnecessary stress, and the quickest and easiest resolution is tablets. I really believed my positive mental attitude to what was happening to me, made me better. Also my experience of inclusive dance and knowing that it wouldn't be a problem, I could keep working if I had these continuous muscle spasms. I feel stronger, and more connected with myself from this experience and I listen to myself more. The twitching, when it happens again, is like a title person sat on my shoulder telling me something is not right.



If it happens again I am ready for it, and I will embrace and fight it off. I believe this happened to me for a reason, it was a wake up call to tell me, I need to make a change. As scary as it was, I am kind of glad it happened. It wasn't a virus or something making me ill, it was a serious mental issue, that I needed to address. I think cases like this need to be taken more seriously by the NHS... I got myself better without any real treatment, not everyone can do that. I hope this story helps others to realise how important it is to put yourself 1st, then you can love and give and give yourself 
to others.